Tweenagers! One minute they insist on having their parents' full attention and the next they are screaming "leave me alone!" An activity that is boring today may be the center of their interest tomorrow. Their temper tantrums can rival that of any two year old and yet they can be sweet as pie the next minute. They beg for independence and responsibility and yet they still need mom to remind they to change their socks every day. The term tween, as described by the New Oxford American Dictionary, is a term describing preadolescence.
Preadolescence Stage of Human Development
Preadolescence is described as a stage of human development through childhood that occurs in a child's years before adolescence. The point at which a child reaches adolescence is typically defined by the onset of puberty. In some children, typically girls, puberty can begin as early as preadolescence. The term "tween" is a blend of the words between and teen and is used to describe this stage between childhood and adolescence, or the ages ranging from eight to twelve years old.
Tween Culture
Tweens are typically fashion-conscious, fad-loving, filled-with-attitude, know-it-alls. Underneath all of that, they simply wish to be liked by their peers and to gain their parents' approval. Peer-pressures once thought to be reserved for the teens years, of makeup, sexy clothing, drugs and sex, have now trickled down to the elementary school level. These children are bombarded with commercials and print media ads about everything from bad breath to acne to weight loss, attempting to convince them that they need to look and act like their tween and teen idols in order to be "cool".
Author and child psychologist Linda Sonna writes in her book The Everything Tween Book [F & W Publications, Inc., 2003], "Learning to conform is a part of what the tween years are all about. As tweens learn to conform to the rules, demands and expectations of teachers, family members, and friends, they learn to get along with others."
What are They Thinking?!
Imagine this scene – tween emerges from his room swearing he cleaned it and yet Mom go enters said room and finds dirty underwear and gum wrappers under the bed. This child is not trying to be deceiving. Out of sight, out of mind is just how tweenagers think. They are very literal, black and white, all or nothing, concrete thinkers and have great difficulty with "gray areas". This can be one of the most frustrating things for the parent of a tween to manage. On one hand parents may be noticing physical changes that signify that they are maturing and yet they still have a very childish way of viewing the world around them.
As a tweenager attempts to navigate her way through her tween world, emotions tend to run hot and cold. Many parents find their once placid child has become an explosive ball of emotions. According to Linda Sonna, PhD, "Despite the widespread belief that hormones drive the drama, a relationship between testosterone and behavior has not been established for this age group".
She goes on to say that "they are as likely to be reacting to an offense or injustice from long ago that flitted across their minds and has made them cranky as to something that is happening now". Instead of hoping or expecting a tween to outgrow these mood swings, try helping him learn to manage his emotions in a productive manner. Lessons in self-control and anger management are useful life skills that she will take with her throughout life.
Parenting Tweens
No longer a child but not yet a teenager, a tween is caught in this "in between" stage of childhood. Tween are faced with a slew of physical, emotional, social and developmental changes in just five short years. For more information and advice on parenting tweens, check out the Parenting Tweens section on Suite101.
Leigh Vozzella - Homeschooling mom of four children; Board member of the Massachusetts Home Learning Association (www.mhla.org); former Publicity ...
